


The Princess and the P

by molybdomantic



Category: An Undone Fairy Tale - Ian Lendler & Whitney Martin, Prinsessen paa Ærten | The Princess and the Pea - Hans Christian Andersen
Genre: F/F, Gen, Meta, Misses Clause Challenge, Typographical misadventures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 02:06:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2755553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/molybdomantic/pseuds/molybdomantic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequel to <i>An Undone Fairy Tale</i>, by Ian Lendler & Whitney Martin. The Narrator has been given a second chance - can he make it to the end without disaster this time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Princess and the P

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Age or Wizardry (ageorwizardry)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ageorwizardry/gifts).



> Thanks to ageorwizardry for the prompt and I hope you enjoy the story!
> 
> Thanks also to my lovely beta readers B, republic and Shadowlover.
> 
> [For those who haven't come across _An Undone Fairy Tale_ before, it's a children's picture book whose conceit is that the reader is reading faster than the Illustrator can go. Increasing numbers of stop-gaps and substitutions make their way into the text until the Illustrator quits in disgust and the Narrator is left to cope on his own.]

So, hi! Welcome to the sequel to _An Undone Fairy Tale_. You might have noticed that the last book ended in a bit of a shambles. Sometimes these things are unavoidable when you have to meet a deadline! Anyway, we've had a change of management around here, and before we get started I'd like to introduce you to the new team. There's Amena the publisher and Marvin the illustrator, and I'm the new narrator. Sadly we don't have the budget for a typesetter any more, but I have taken on the job with the help of Intern Bernadette. (I know you'll be missing Ned but rest assured he has an exciting new job in advertising and is doing very well!) Our new owners have also provided us with a comprehensively stocked props cupboard, so hopefully there will be no repeat of the snails and fish. So without further ado, on with the story!

**At the end of our last story, the princess and Sir Wilbur rode off into the sunset on a giant snail. Wouldn't you like to know what happened to them? Let me tell you...**

**The princess, whose name was Cheryl, and Sir Wilbur, whose name wasn't Cheryl, were married in a lovely wedding ceremony attended by all their friends. A few years later the old King died, and they became Queen and King and moved back into Queen Cheryl's old home. She arranged for the tower to be provided with a staircase and adequate lighting, and opened it as a successful Pie Museum.**

**A few years later they had a daughter named Flora, who grew up surrounded by supportive adults and became quite a forthright and just young woman. Among her interests was a fierce passion for law, and her ambition was to become an international human rights lawyer. She searched far and wide for a friend with whom she could discuss the finer points of the imposition of sanctions against recalcitrant states, but sadly could find no-one who could match her grasp of its intricacies.**

I'm sorry, bear with me a moment. We reorganised the office and I don't quite have everything in its proper place yet. I need to find my spare box of letters before we go on. Ah! There it is in the corner. Could you pass it to me? Tha...  
   g  
  djfjfj  
 mfhzxvwnmerttkt    jjh  
rroheneueuryyeryurebqedsadnncnzxbc  
...oh. Oh dear. I wish you hadn't dropped that. Now all my letters are mixed up. Give me a moment to sort them out...

**Bar riravat n greevoyr fgbez oyre he. Gurer enf guhaqre naq yvtugavat, naq gur enva ebherq qbea va gbeeragf. Fhqqrayl n mabpmvat enf urneq ng gur pvgl tngr, naq Xvat Jvyohe erag gb bera vg.**

*ahem* I did ask you to wait. Let's try that again.

**One evening a terrible storm blew up. There was thun er an  lightning, an  the rain poure   own in torrents. Su  enly a kno king was hear  at the  ity gate, an  King Wilbur went to open it.**

There we are, I've got most of them in order now. Still can't find the 'c's or 'd's anywhere though. Fortunately we have a spare box of letters at the back of the cupboard, let me fetch them.

**Who shoulp be stanping outsipe but a prinpess! Anp what a sight she was in all that rain anp winp. Water streamep from her hair pown her plothes anp into her shoes. King Wilbur invitep her in anp mape her a nipe hot pup of tea, anp Queen Pheryl offerep her a slipe of freshly-bakep pherry pie. She saip her name was Holly. Queen Pheryl invitep Flora pownstairs to meet their visitor, but Flora was busy reaping Brownlie's _Prinpiples of Publip International Law: An Assessment_ anp peplinep the no-poubt boring small-talk involvep in making the apquaintanpe of another stuffy royal.**

Oh dear, that seems to have been a job lot of 'p's. How confusing. I knew it was too good to be true! This is what comes of buying your typesetting supplies on the cheap from suspect print shops. I hope you're as good at codes as you are at reading...

**Holly professep milp pisappointment at not meeting the paughter of the pastle, sinpe, she plaimep unpretentiously, she was a talentep stupent of law, anp keen to meet others of that ilk.**

After all that hard work I think I deserve a cup of tea too! Intern Bernadette, could you bring me one?

**"We'll soon finp out about that," Queen Pheryl saip to herself. Without saying a worp she went to Holly's bepphamber, plearep off the bepsipe table, anp plapep just one slim legal monograph on it (Lubell's _Extraterritorial Use of Forpe Against Non-State Aptors_ ). Then she took twenty gripping harpbapk peteptive novels anp pilep them on top of it. Then she took twenty inviting paperbapk historipal romanpes anp pilep them on the harpbapks. Next to this preparious stapk Prinpess Holly was to spenp the night.**

Ah! Intern Bernadette has arrived with the tea. At last, something goes right.

...oh. Intern Bernadette slipped on the way in and spilt tea all over the 'w's and 'y's. I can't possibly use them like this, they'll make the screen all soggy and it'll stop working. More 'p's it is, then.

**In the morning, eating panpakes anp blueberries for breakfast, thep askep her, "pip pou sleep pell?"**

Fortunately for you I have separate letters for narrating, this is getting a little hard to follow.

**"Oh!" saip Prinpess Hollp, taking another panpake. "No. I sparpelp slept at all. There pas an absolutelp faspinating slim legal monograph in the pile of books bp the bep. I spent all night folloping through the implipations in mp notebook. Anp then mp biro broke! I'm poverep in blapk anp blue ink all over, anp I'm afraip I've mape a mess of pour sheets. It pas simplp terrible."**

Reader, I have a treat for you. Ned has come to visit! He says he couldn't wait to see how the new story was doing. And he's brought Trevor the dog.

Down boy!

Oh dear, he's trying to eat my letters. Trevor! Stop! Those aren't biscuits!

**Flora poulp see that Hollp pas a real legal expert after all, no question about it, nop that she hap phosen the single most interesting book out of the pile. Nobopp but a true legal enthusiast poulp be so pisperning. Flora invitep Hollp to join her in her stupies, anp thep inspirep eaph other to follop expiting pareers. Anp manp pears later thep settlep popn together anp apoptep a little girl of their opn, pho grep up surrounpep bp loving frienps anp familp anp pas a suppess in her opn right. Mapbe next time I'll tell pou her storp!**

Int rn B rnad tt  has now  vict d Tr vor, but at untold cost to my typographical compr h nsibility. Why do s this always happ n to m ? H r 's hoping I hav  suffici nt l tt rs to last to th   nd of th  book...

**As for the slim legal monograph, thep put it in the librarp. There it's still available for borroping, unless somebopp has phepkep it out.**

Th r , that's a tru  story. Also I think w 'r  all fir d...

**Author's Note:**

> As well as AUFT being a very fun book to play around with, it was massively satisfying to rewrite _The Princess and the Pea_ to be less misogynistic. The fairytale text is a reworked version of Hans Christian Andersen's original, staying as close to it as I could while removing all the REALLY ANNOYING bits (I am particularly pleased with the broken biro).
> 
> This story also resulted in the best beta comment ever. I originally started by saying that the princess and Sir Wilbur ran off into the sunset. "Continuity:", noted my beta reader B drily, "didn't they ride off into the sunset on a giant snail?"
> 
> In case you would like a more legible version of the main story:
> 
> The Princess and the P
> 
> At the end of our last story, the princess and Sir Wilbur ran off into the sunset. Wouldn't you like to know what happened to them? Let me tell you...
> 
> The princess, whose name was Cheryl, and Sir Wilbur, whose name wasn't Cheryl, were married in a lovely wedding ceremony attended by all their friends. A few years later the old King died, and they became Queen and King and moved back into Queen Cheryl's old home. She arranged for the tower to be provided with a staircase and adequate lighting, and opened it as a successful Pie Museum.
> 
> A few years later they had a daughter named Flora, who grew up surrounded by supportive adults and became quite a forthright and just young woman. Among her interests was a fierce passion for law, and her ambition was to become an international human rights lawyer. She searched far and wide for a friend with whom she could discuss the finer points of the imposition of sanctions against recalcitrant states, but sadly could find no-one who could match her grasp of its intricacies.
> 
> One evening a terrible storm blew up. There was thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in torrents. Suddenly a knocking was heard at the city gate, and King Wilbur went to open it.
> 
> Who should be standing outside but a princess! And what a sight she was in all that rain and wind. Water streamed from her hair down her clothes and into her shoes. King Wilbur invited her in and made her a nice hot cup of tea, and Queen Cheryl offered her a slice of freshly-baked cherry pie. She said her name was Holly. Queen Cheryl invited Flora downstairs to meet their visitor, but Flora was busy reading Brownlie's _Principles of Public International Law: An Assessment_ and declined the no-doubt boring small-talk involved in making the acquaintance of another stuffy royal.
> 
> Holly professed mild disappointment at not meeting the daughter of the castle, since, she claimed unpretentiously, she was a talented student of law, and keen to meet others of that ilk.
> 
> "We'll soon find out about that," Queen Cheryl said to herself. Without saying a word she went to Holly's bedchamber, cleared off the bedside table, and placed just one slim legal monograph on it (Lubell's _Extraterritorial Use of Force Against Non-State Actors_ ). Then she took twenty gripping hardback detective novels and piled them on top of it. Then she took twenty inviting paperback historical romances and piled them on the hardbacks. Next to this precarious stack Princess Holly was to spend the night.
> 
> In the morning, eating pancakes and blueberries for breakfast, they asked her, "Did you sleep well?"
> 
> "Oh!" said Princess Holly, taking another pancake. "No. I scarcely slept at all. There was an absolutely fascinating slim legal monograph in the pile of books by the bed. I spent all night working through the implications in my notebook. And them my biro broke! I'm covered in black and blue ink all over, and I'm afraid I've made a mess of your sheets. It was simply terrible."
> 
> Flora could see that Holly was a real legal expert after all, no question about it, now that she had picked the single most interesting book out of the pile. Nobody but a true legal enthusiast could be so discerning. Flora invited Holly to join her in her studies, and they inspired each other to follow exciting careers. And many years later they settled down together and adopted a little girl of their own, who grew up surrounded by loving friends and family and was a success in her own right. Maybe next time I'll tell you her story!
> 
> As for the slim legal monograph, they put it in the library. There it's still available for borrowing, unless somebody has checked it out.


End file.
